September – The New January
It’s 2005 and I’m in the car with my husband and two children, driving down the M4 on our way home from a soggy, sandy week in Pembrokeshire. I’m pondering the (very privileged) life I’m returning to and thinking about how I can stretch that sense of wellbeing that holidays give into the coming year. As I cast my mind over the things I enjoy most in life, I recall the books I’ve read in the previous year. I remember the delights of Monica Ali and Jodi Picoult. As I ponder, I realise that almost all the books I’ve recently read are by female authors. In that moment, I set a simple ‘new year’ intention to read only male authors for a whole year. And that resolution led me for the first time to Mitch Albom, Khaled Hosseini and John Steinbeck. And to rediscover some old favourites: Oscar Wilde and Anthony Trollope.
Since then, it’s become a tradition for me, at this time of year, to set new year resolutions – whether it’s a change in reading material or a momentous decision about my career. To be honest, I find the whole January new year resolutions thing somewhat annoying.
In January, there’s way too much advice popping up on my feeds and in conversation about what I SHOULD be changing about myself and my life – from weight loss and punishing exercise routines to assessing every piece of clothing I own to check its ‘joy level.’ It’s like an algorithm is deciding for me where my life should be going next – and it’s usually into some clichéd, hyper-organised, body-focussed, superwoman hell.
I much prefer setting my own ‘new year’ resolutions when I feel rested and have had some space to reflect on my life. September resolutions feel more mine, more in tune with my real desires. And somehow the anticipation of new pathways resonates with the early September hint of the changing season, the first signs of Autumn with that nip in the breeze and the first leaf fall.
Apparently around 80% of January resolutions have been dropped by February. Right there is reason enough to shift the whole shebang to a more appropriate season.
And this particular September offers the first for a couple of years when there’s more of a sense of stability and predictability, without the uncertainty of heading into a ‘pandemic winter’ – although, of course, anything is possible.
Overall, it feels like this is a good time to think about making a few adjustments or even some radical changes. So here I offer you some coaching questions to help you set and stick to your ‘new year’ resolutions:
1. What change do I want to make?
The key word here is ‘want’ because, if you don’t truly desire the change, it isn’t going to happen. For some of us, figuring out what we truly desire isn’t easy – we’re so influenced by what we think we SHOULD want – a higher salary, a tidier home, a slimmer body, to ‘save the world’- as if. If this is you, try asking yourself: What do I know I DON’T want? This can help clarify what you DO want.
So,
I don’t want to work in my boring, lonely job.
becomes…
I do want a job which is fulfilling and involves working with others.
Or
I don’t want to be taken for granted by my partner.
becomes…
I do want to be respected and appreciated by my partner.
Remember, September can be busy with its own natural transitions. Be kind to yourself. Try setting one intention at a time, and be realistic about time spans. If September is a wipe-out, October is waiting, as are November and December. If it helps, think of this process more as a gentle, reflective experience than a 5-step plan for creating the ‘perfect life’.
2. What do I need to do to achieve my goal?
Write a short list of the steps you need to take to reach your intention, and then start doing them. It may mean that you:
diarize something
have a crucial conversation with your manager or a family member
get online and buy that book you’ve been meaning to read
download that running app
research that career change
buy that cupboard that will absorb your bedroom-chair clothes pile
Mark Twain said: “The secret to getting started is breaking your complex, overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.” And he was someone who knew what a blank page looked like.
3. How do I stay motivated to stick to my resolution?
One of the keys to maintaining motivation is to be clear about your reasons for your new intention. Ask yourself: Why do I want to make this change? What difference will it make? Think and/or visualise in detail what it will look and feel like once you’ve made the change - list all the things that will change for you and others, practically, emotionally, relationally. When you lose focus or momentum, go back to your list of positive impacts – this will help motivate you to keep going.
And don’t forget, you might realise down the line that your first intention isn’t the thing you really want – in fact, you want something else. This isn’t a failure. It’s a necessary part of the process of exploring what you truly desire.
4. What about when things get in the way?
Yes, unexpected and unwanted things will happen: injuries, crises, illnesses, increased workloads, stress, tiredness. When you set your goal, it can help to imagine the potential obstacles that may get in the way, and how it looks to still try to meet your intention.
When you do meet those inevitable obstacles, ask yourself whether you still believe in your goal - and re-read your list of positive impacts.
If you still believe in your intention, what’s getting in the way?
Have you deprioritized it against other tasks (for good reason or out of habit?)
Did you forget to put it in your diary?
Are you experiencing fear of failure or self-doubt?
Are you thinking limiting thoughts?
Understanding what’s gone wrong enables you to address the issue.
5. What’s next?
It’s important to regularly review where you are with your goal and celebrate your growth so that you can:
decide whether you want to adjust or change your goal
celebrate the small wins along the way
be thankful for what you’ve achieved
reward yourself – tell your brain that making positive changes is good for you by treating yourself to a spa treatment, a great meal or a day trip
recognise that life is a journey, not a destination – the place you’ve arrived at now will give you new insights and perspective – you may want to make other changes in areas you hadn’t noticed before
This coaching approach offers a way of setting and reaching new intentions in a way that’s realistic, taking into account the potential obstacles that might get in the way.
There’s a worksheet to help with the processes outlined above here.
So, if September really is the new January, what are you waiting for?
Happy New Year!
I’d love to hear about your ‘new year’ resolutions and whether this blog has been helpful. If I can support you in making the changes you want to make, do get in touch.